It's been awhile since I've had to think of FM (especially after I moved). Tonight however, I was reviewing old entrys to the blog and many of the last entries from the last year were about him. Oddly enough a very close friend texted me a couple of minutes ago cursing and claiming Reno was a small town.
I called him up and asked what was wrong because it's very unlike him to be explicative, and he said he had just run into FM.
Huh... I'm not sure I needed to know that.
I've been upside down enough these past few months that I don't need a reminder of why I needed to leave Reno. My last encounters with FM were enough to cut all tendrils of love for him out of me. I'm more frightened of him than anything, and thank goodness I live far away now. I especially don't need to know what he's doing or when he's out. It's all the more painful because this week is just past the two year anniversary of when we started dating.
Ugh. What a disaster that was. It turned out horribly, and some people including my friend finally know what was really going on.
I really didn't need to hear anything about FM tonight, of all nights when I had just read about all my writings about the guy for the first time in 9 or so months. Going to give my friend a free pass though. He, (1.) never does this (at least he never has before), for he is generally not a gossiper, (2.) realizes how much this man had tore me up and hurt me, and (3.) is obviously currently drunk right now, and when he sobers up, will probably realize the faux pas and be regretful.
There is no point in making anybody else hurt as much as I.
I'm a gay man from Reno, Nevada who now lives in the Bay Area (hopefully soon to be San Francisco). I've been blogging for a couple of years but had taken a break from writing to clear my head. I've been in two relationships lasting over the past ten years, and I'm still trying to find my own way. I'm continuously on the path towards figuring out who I really am, what I want from life, and where I'm going. It has been a tough road, but the light is getting brighter.
This blog is a work in progress. For me, the work is to continuously find the productive parts of my life and my behavior, incorporate positive changes permanently into my life, and slough off the stuff that isn't so great. I've left a career path and the city I've lived in my entire adult life for love, and now am struggling to find work and a place to settle (a victim of the economy, as so many others are). Even so, I found that I'm generally quite capable on my own, but I am still human and fallable.
This blog is about gaining my confidence and owning my own life. It's about a small town gay man learning about himself in an urban city. It's about me.
This little corner is my personal space. Here I can chronicle my behavior, share my thoughts, and engage in my own conversation. Through this
medium, I can share what it is that I'm thinking as life unfolds before me. I do this so that I can look
back - and ultimately assess how I am really living.
WARNING: This collection of random thoughts can be explicit! Please be warned. Do not read the contents of this blog if it will offend you.
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