Pogonip and Playa Dust

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Set up

My doctor called me up a couple of days ago to ask if I wanted to go out to dinner with him and his partner. He seemed a bit giddy, and when I asked him why, he gushed that the guy he had introduced me to a week or so ago was really interested. He was basically setting us up.

I said sure, remembering this guy from the bar the other night. He didn't say much then, but I remember him smiling shyly at me and I was somehow drawn to him then. There was that strange spark in the smokey gloom of the bar (of all things), and apparently it was reciprocal.

He and I were the first ones to arrive the restaurant and we sat across from each other and started talking. By the time everybody else arrived, we were still talking. As the dinner continued, we kept talking. Not intentionally, but much to the exclusion of all of those around us, we tuned out everyone else and just talked about each other's lives, interests and goals.

After dinner was over, we hugged our mutual friends and decided that we should both go out to desert somewhere together. We headed off to the Chocolate Bar and continued chatting well into the night. At about 2 a.m., he drove me back to my car and after assuring each other that we really enjoyed the other's company and that we would be seeing each other again, we parted ways for the evening.

A far cry from what I've been experiencing lately in the dating scene. I have a really good feeling about this one, and I'm looking forward to seeing what is next.

10:05 AM

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Saturday, April 5, 2008

Inevitable hiccups

A lion share of the advice I've been given recently is that if I want to meet new people, I really should get online. I've been extraordinarily resistant to this because of my limited past experiences online.

In the real world, I'm often hit on by overconfident jerks and old men. When I've gotten online through dating sites, it's just like the real world, only worse and more intense. Even though my online profiles are pretty clear, I seem to only be finding old men, men who only want quick hook-ups, or men who seem great - but they live over 2000 miles away.

So when I met a guy online last Sunday who was local, seemed down to earth, and was an actual intelligent conversationalist; it seemed as if it was too good to be true. He wanted to meet up in person for coffee, and although I just met him, being that coffee was a public space and seemed relatively safe, I said sure. So we met up for coffee and we seemed to hit it off.

He was slightly more overweight than his pictures and his profile indicated, but that was no matter. He still was quite handsome. He is a working class guy, but he talked easily and I felt pretty comfortable. We chatted for several hours, and he asked some probing questions, poking around my sense of Independence and making sure I understood that his own. By the time the early supper hour rolled around hours later, we were both hungry.

I suggested that we walk across the street to the Silver Peak cafe on the river and have something to eat. He agreed and had a meal at which we talked for another couple of hours. Things went so well that I invited him to my place with the intention of watching some Robot Chicken. No other intentions, just some good t.v. He said he had some other things to do first, but he'd love to take me up on my offer in an hour.

So I headed up and dug up season 1 of Robot Chicken from the lost places in my closet. He made it over and after the general niceties of hosting, we settled down to watch the DVD. After a quick break, I got up to get him a Pepsi. He followed me and as I turned around he bent down and kissed me.

And its passion caught me off guard.

I kissed back, a bit awkwardly. I wasn't prepared to move this fast, but I didn't stop it.

And it continued. We progressed quickly to further activity.

After settling down, we caught our breath and began to cool down. After about 20 minutes, he asked if I was interested in watching a few more episodes of Robot Chicken. I was up for it, so I turned the DVD back on and we watched a few more episodes.

As he left and said his goodbyes, he said that he'd get in touch soon. I should have figure it out when he made the first move. I haven't heard from him since, although I dropped two messages in the past week. I realized that what had happened was just a hook-up pretty quickly, but I refused to believe it. Me in my generous naivety, I took up way more of his time then he was expecting. I have to admit that I do not feel too badly for it, for I really was interested in pursuing something more if he were willing - but being that he appears to not be similarly interested, I have at least my good intentions intact.

I tried, went out on a limb, and it wasn't long enough to get lost on. I am able to back up and try out another limb to climb. I am trying to climb - even if I'm not always sure of where my destination might just be. I know what I want, but I don't yet know how to get there. No worries though. It's disheartening, yes...

... but I can't give up.

11:07 PM

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About

I'm a gay man from Reno, Nevada who now lives in the Bay Area (hopefully soon to be San Francisco). I've been blogging for a couple of years but had taken a break from writing to clear my head. I've been in two relationships lasting over the past ten years, and I'm still trying to find my own way. I'm continuously on the path towards figuring out who I really am, what I want from life, and where I'm going. It has been a tough road, but the light is getting brighter.

This blog is a work in progress. For me, the work is to continuously find the productive parts of my life and my behavior, incorporate positive changes permanently into my life, and slough off the stuff that isn't so great. I've left a career path and the city I've lived in my entire adult life for love, and now am struggling to find work and a place to settle (a victim of the economy, as so many others are). Even so, I found that I'm generally quite capable on my own, but I am still human and fallable. This blog is about gaining my confidence and owning my own life. It's about a small town gay man learning about himself in an urban city. It's about me.

This little corner is my personal space. Here I can chronicle my behavior, share my thoughts, and engage in my own conversation. Through this medium, I can share what it is that I'm thinking as life unfolds before me. I do this so that I can look back - and ultimately assess how I am really living.

WARNING: This collection of random thoughts can be explicit! Please be warned. Do not read the contents of this blog if it will offend you. If reading this blog causes you to break local laws, please leave now. By following any links or opening any page of the blog you declare under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to material intended for mature, responsible individuals capable of making decisions about the content that they wish to read. Any further material you read will be the result of explicit action upon your part.

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