Pogonip and Playa Dust

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Tangled Beyond Recognition

I'm trying to keep on this one, but even as I live through it, I'm having difficulties staying abreast on this. What a convoluted situation this is. Nothing bad, but tangled nonetheless.

Again, Prof #2 has been interested in being more sexually active. I held him off for so long because he was becoming (in my assessment) a bit too close, this was especially so as I was attempting to date OBD. About two weeks ago, we hooked up and a had a good time. While we were talking about it afterwards, he lamented that he hadn't had sex since the last time the two of us engaged in November. He was frustrated, but happy that I was available, even if intermittently.

This last Saturday though was unusual. Prof #2 called up and basically invited himself over. He said his husband was in San Francisco and he wanted to 'hang out'. This wasn't a problem per se. I had told him sometime before that he should be more forward about inviting himself over, but my original intention was regarding inviting himself over for social functions, not sexual functions. No matter, it worked out and I was available and um, receptive. He made it to my place in record time, showing up at my front door only 15 minutes after he got the okay.

After a fun time, we talked about what was going on in his life. He mentioned that he is going through a weird time because his husband had suddenly announced two weeks before that he wanted to open up their relationship. Apparently he and his husband didn't have a prior arrangement, and Prof #2's engagement in general was on the sly. We were hush hush just to prevent weirdness for other social arrangements, and that continues to be appropriate. His husband however, wanted to officially open up the relationship and engage with others as a couple. A week later he introduced Prof #2 to the new guy.

According to Prof #2, the new guy is a 21 year old twink sort who is the ideal 'type' of his husband, but not so much for himself. However, he's having fun, and he states that he's happy that he's been able to have sex with his husband for the first time in almost a decade. He thinks this boy is fun, but not as much fun as being able to be with his husband.

He was trying to describe this person to me, and I had a vague idea of who it was. But I wasn't sure. I had heard his name before, but I couldn't remember where. I shrugged it off, and I wished him both a good time and luck.

Later that night I was going to a birthday party of an old friend of mine. He had turned 30 and we were going out to celebrate. After dinner we headed out to the bars to go dancing. We found ourselves at Tronix and while the music was pretty lame, it was serviceable.

After a couple of hours there, Prof #2's husband showed up with this guy. I had a moment of shock. He was a QSU student! Holy crap! I remembered that I had met him not long before. He was at some QSU event, and that stopped me in my tracks.

"I think he's from QSU," I texted Prof #2.

"Really, are you sure?" He texted back.

"Yup, I saw him at at least one meeting. Maybe a couple more."

"I don't think so. He's never mentioned it."

"Hmm. Pretty sure."

"Ugh, I hope not."

"Me too. My own boundary issues are torqued."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I put up a huge mental block for a really long time. Otherwise I'd be dating Nathan (a QSU student who expressed interest in me a couple of years ago).

"I feel really weird about this. I really don't think he is."

"Ok, I'll go find out."

I headed over to them and said hello. Prof #2's husband gave me a big hug.

"We just got back from San Francisco," he said.

"Really?" I said back, smiling obliquely as I pretended to not know anything.

He explained that they left that morning made to San Francisco, went drinking, then drove back home.

"Uh huh," I responded. What kind of role model are you, I'm thinking.

"Well, hope you had a good time," I said out loud.

"We sure did!"

The young guy smiled shyly at me.

I smiled back at them, "Well, have a great time tonight!"

I hugged them and left them so that I could hang out with my other friends. A couple of hours later, as I was taking a break, Prof #2's husband came up to me and grabbed me. "Lets go dance to terrible music!"

I turned my my friends as I was being pulled away and shrugged. They waved good-bye and smiled big.

We danced for a while, and I held back a bit because I didn't want to get too close and I had the issue of knowing they were engaging in behavior that I wasn't supposed to know about or read into. Ah it was complicated. But I wasn't even prepared for what was going to happen next.

At some point, Prof #2's husband leaned over to us and said that he wanted to go to smoke. He then pushed us together. My eyebrows went up, but I thought, whatever. As we were dancing alone, this other guy kept getting closer and closer. My mind went into overdrive - and then I realized it. So I shut it down and lived in the moment.

And he danced closer.

I admit to looking around, keeping my eye out for Prof #2's husband, but I wasn't too overtly concerned. He showed up after twenty minutes or so and physically pushed us together. That was completely unexpected and I almost lost my balance. My mind went back into overdrive. What was he doing? He leaned over soon afterword and said in a voice that only I could hear, "He really likes you." I faltered a moment and thought what? And then after a moment's ponder, I was grateful that heterosexual norms are not ones to which I have to subscribe.

Prof #2's husband left again leaving us together. This time I thought, what the hell, so when the guy danced closer, I got closer. We ended up dancing pretty hot and heavy - and we were apparently quite the show. At one point, a guy in his early twenties interrupted us and asked if we were looking for a third. We smiled at him and said no thanks.

We didn't do a lot of talking. I was kind of a dork, but I always am around cute blond guys. I have no idea why. Can't help it though.

About 4 in the morning, Prof #2 said that he was ready to leave and he wanted me to take this guy home. How blatantly obvious. He didn't want to go home and wanted something to eat, so we went to the Peppermill for their late breakfast menu. We talked and I found out that he had been a foreign exchange student in Southern France for two years. That was interesting! We talked about various things and had a nice time. I then took him home, and parked in front of his house. I told him goodnight, and that I hoped to see him again soon.

"Are you sure you don't want to come in?" he asked.

"I don't think so. I'm really tired."

"I don't want to pressure you, but I really would like you to stay over.."

"The only thing I'm going to do is sleep."

"That's just fine, my bed is really comfortable."

He gave me big puppy dog eyes. How could I say no to that?

"Okay then, just sleeping!"

"Sure!"

So we went in to his place. He has two female roommates, and the place was very smartly decorated. His own bedroom, while relatively spartan was also well decorated. It was late though, and we both really just wanted to sleep. So we stripped down to our underwear and crawled into bed. Shortly thereafter, I fell asleep.

We cuddled the entire night, waking up intermittently to spoon in different configurations. We slept until 1 or so in the afternoon, and we woke up both feeling amorous. We fooled around a bit, nothing of which would have gotten either of us in trouble, and then we fell asleep in each other's arms again.

We woke up at 5 p.m., finally crawled out of bed, and went to dinner. I was extremely hungry, and whenever I'm hungry I act like an idiot. I tend to blame it on the hypoglycemia. I wasn't terribly chatty, but neither was he. We seemed to enjoy each other's company, and that in itself was nice. Honestly, cuddling with him reminded me of cuddling with Bit, a very pleasant association.

Still, because of the complicated nature of the relationships associated with this particular young man, it'll be interesting to say the very least. I'm going to be hanging out with Prof #2 in the next couple of days to watch British TV, so it's be a good opportunity to feel out the boundaries and the options - as well as get some advice.

So we'll see. You know. You can't make this shit up.

12:41 AM

****

About

I'm a gay man from Reno, Nevada who now lives in the Bay Area (hopefully soon to be San Francisco). I've been blogging for a couple of years but had taken a break from writing to clear my head. I've been in two relationships lasting over the past ten years, and I'm still trying to find my own way. I'm continuously on the path towards figuring out who I really am, what I want from life, and where I'm going. It has been a tough road, but the light is getting brighter.

This blog is a work in progress. For me, the work is to continuously find the productive parts of my life and my behavior, incorporate positive changes permanently into my life, and slough off the stuff that isn't so great. I've left a career path and the city I've lived in my entire adult life for love, and now am struggling to find work and a place to settle (a victim of the economy, as so many others are). Even so, I found that I'm generally quite capable on my own, but I am still human and fallable. This blog is about gaining my confidence and owning my own life. It's about a small town gay man learning about himself in an urban city. It's about me.

This little corner is my personal space. Here I can chronicle my behavior, share my thoughts, and engage in my own conversation. Through this medium, I can share what it is that I'm thinking as life unfolds before me. I do this so that I can look back - and ultimately assess how I am really living.

WARNING: This collection of random thoughts can be explicit! Please be warned. Do not read the contents of this blog if it will offend you. If reading this blog causes you to break local laws, please leave now. By following any links or opening any page of the blog you declare under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to material intended for mature, responsible individuals capable of making decisions about the content that they wish to read. Any further material you read will be the result of explicit action upon your part.

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