Since last Friday, I've been out on three dates with the man I mentioned at the end of my last post. I mentioned that this was going to be an interesting challenge, and he pleasantly has been. I am again reminded of myself, but this time, it's fun. He plays coy, but the sparkle in his eyes betray a knowing that is that of a true recalcitrant. He's no innocent, I've learned that during the hours that I've spoken with him. He tries to play the innocent routine off though, and this is something of which I'm intimately familiar.
I wouldn't pretend that I know him yet though, because I most certainly don't. He's a bit of an enigma, and he doesn't give up much in conversation. I'm a bit out of my league because of the turned tables - usually the other person does all the talking. In this case, it's me.
He gently places little tidbits about himself on the table, but I've found thus far that they're fleeting and ephemeral. Is it because I'm talking too much or focusing so hard on talking when I'm not used to it? Is it just because I'm not paying attention? I don't think so. I'm going to have to crack that shell of his, the question is whether this egg is meant to be opened. This is a game, and I'm having fun playing it right now. He's emotionally guarded, but then - so am I. He's certainly sexually interested in me, but then I'm certainly interested in him that way as well. He plays a bit coy about that too, dropping hints, humor, but then pulling back.
He's intriguing, my interest is piqued. We're both taking our time and I'm having a good time - and he is as well. Well, I think he is, but I should be careful with assumptions.
Strangely, I do have to say that he looks like an older, more muscular version of Bit. The resemblance is strikingly similar, but the resemblance is coincidental - being that we were set up. So I'm not going to over-analyze that too much. A friend of mine is teasing me about the blond men that have been falling into my lap lately, and I suppose it is funny. I've always lusted after blond men, but I've never pursued them (and often overtly avoided them) because I end up like a blubbering idiot who is suddenly extremely insecure. And that hasn't really changed. I still am a blubbering nerdy idiot. But he seems to be charmed.
That can only be a good thing, right?
I can't even think of a cute pseudonym for him.
So this is another side of dating. Hmmm, this isn't so bad.
I'm a gay man from Reno, Nevada who now lives in the Bay Area (hopefully soon to be San Francisco). I've been blogging for a couple of years but had taken a break from writing to clear my head. I've been in two relationships lasting over the past ten years, and I'm still trying to find my own way. I'm continuously on the path towards figuring out who I really am, what I want from life, and where I'm going. It has been a tough road, but the light is getting brighter.
This blog is a work in progress. For me, the work is to continuously find the productive parts of my life and my behavior, incorporate positive changes permanently into my life, and slough off the stuff that isn't so great. I've left a career path and the city I've lived in my entire adult life for love, and now am struggling to find work and a place to settle (a victim of the economy, as so many others are). Even so, I found that I'm generally quite capable on my own, but I am still human and fallable.
This blog is about gaining my confidence and owning my own life. It's about a small town gay man learning about himself in an urban city. It's about me.
This little corner is my personal space. Here I can chronicle my behavior, share my thoughts, and engage in my own conversation. Through this
medium, I can share what it is that I'm thinking as life unfolds before me. I do this so that I can look
back - and ultimately assess how I am really living.
WARNING: This collection of random thoughts can be explicit! Please be warned. Do not read the contents of this blog if it will offend you.
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